One of the best ways to stop feeling angry with someone is to change the way you react when you get into an argument. This might seem like a simplistic answer, but really, there are several underlying dynamics that make it difficult for us to realize when we are wrong and when we are right. For instance, there are two types of people that we respond to in any given situation-those who want what we don’t have and those who are willing to give it to us. Sometimes, in between these two extremes, lies in the middle ground where people who are genuinely trying to help can sit down at the table and find a solution that will benefit everyone involved.
Often, though, this isn’t the case. Even if one or both of us are genuinely in need of the assistance we’re seeking, other factors can fog up the process of communication. Whether it’s a partner who we are angry with or a person whom we dislike on some level, other emotions and reactions have a way of tainting our vision of the situation and making it more difficult to recognize exactly what is happening.
In situations like these, we often turn to a kind of coping mechanism-anger. Anger is a natural response that all of us have experienced thousands of times, and in most cases, it’s a good thing. It serves as a defense mechanism when faced with something that we know we can’t fight off directly. However, when the anger leads us down a path that we don’t actually want to take, it can actually compound the problem rather than resolving it.
As human beings, it’s normal to get frustrated when things don’t go the way we hoped. But instead of using this frustration as a tool to sharpen our claws and sharpen our minds on what needs to be done next, we might use the frustration in a negative way, turning it into something that is harmful. It may be used as an outlet, but in the end, it usually ends up being a sword that has been taken to our throat. We then feel even more angry with the person who caused the problem, and perhaps we try to exact revenge by hurting them. This isn’t really solving anything at all; in fact, it’s just causing more problems and resentment.
Wisely, in order to avoid this situation from arising, we should first learn how to stop being angry with the person in question. We need to be able to recognize when anger is just an appropriate response to the situation at hand. For example, if there was blatant disrespect shown towards us, such as not paying attention to our opinion or listening with interest, we should feel justified in reacting in a manner that is productive. When in this situation, calmly address the person, giving them your reasons for being angry, and asking them why they didn’t listen or respond in a more respectful way. If they don’t understand why you are angry, it doesn’t mean they are wrong, it just means you were in a state of mind that came from being frustrated, and wanting to let go of that feeling.
In addition to learning how to better control your emotions, you’ll also need to learn how to better handle yourself in similar situations. For instance, instead of immediately lashing out at another person when you feel upset, consider the situation at hand for a moment and think about what you would have done differently if you were in their shoes. Perhaps you would have responded differently or made some other choices that will have saved you from having to react in that negative way. The same holds true when dealing with similar situations in the future; if you know you will never be able to fully understand another person’s situation like they do, it’s far better to simply not give it much thought, rather than instantly jumping to an angry response.